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Trapped Like a Fly on Venus transcript
(Fiona and Ashley are running on the train tracks, stopping after they reach the center of a suspended portion.) Fiona: You sure this'll work? Ashley: Yeah. My dad taught me this. (Ashley takes out two firecrackers.) Fiona: Maybe if this works I could get some more sleep. (they place each firecracker on opposing ends of the track. They hear a train coming.) Ashley: Showtime. (they run to the other side and hide in a bush. The train comes and drives over the firecrackers, igniting an explosion that destroys the bridge.) Ashley/Fiona: RUN! (intro plays) (at the manor, the Halloween Kids are having breakfast. Alison brings out the food.) Alison: Who's up for some homemade waffles? Colleen: With store-brought bacon? Julie: Do we have a choice? (everyone begins eating. Sam takes her food outside.) Alison: Ahem. Sam: I'm just readying for Ms. Chapley's latest project. Jerry: Wait, we have a school project? How would you know? Sam: I follow the school's newsletter. (Sam leaves.) Alison: Our school has a newsletter? (it cuts to the Perrino Elites having breakfast. Ashley brings out a customary pie.) Ashley: Alright guys, who's up for a signature egg, sausage, bacon and waffle pie? Patent pending. Tommy: A small piece for me please. Ashley: Anyone up for drinks? Randall: Coffee please. Marie: Some OJ would be good. Ashley: Lastly, how about the morning paper? Randall: The Daily Vortex please. Dante: The Voyager. Ashley: Damien, make yourself useful and fetch the papers. Damien? (Ashley sees Damien in the kitchen eating the remainder of the food.) Ashley: Damien! Damien: Huh, what!? Ashley: What do you think you're doing!? Damien: Eating. Ashley: Hmph, your eyes are bigger than your stomach. Damien: Whatever. (Damien comes out and everyone rapidly eats the food in front of them.) Francis: Everyone, except for Damien, meet me... somewhere else. (Everyone runs out of the room.) (at school, Ms. Chapley introduces the assignment.) Ms. Chapley: Alright class, it's time for our plant-life assignment. You and a designated partner will do a project centered on growing one plant or more. Sam: This is going to rule! Ms. Chapley: Now for the partner assignments. Mandatories out of the way, Meeks and Dixon. Alison: That's right. Colleen: Don't you forget it. Ms. Chapley: Atkins and Yorke. Glad that's out of the way. Ahem, Sutcliffe and Asbrew, Dallow and Blythe. Julie: And this time I'm cool with it. Ms. Chapley: Congrats. Bliss and Gordon. Sam: Gordon? GORDON!? Ms. Chapley: Yes, I said Gordon. Sam: You expect me to work with someone who practically destroys everything he comes in contact with? Ms. Chapley: Yeah, pretty much. Sam: Will you excuse me? I need to go barf. Ms. Chapley: Mmmm-of course. (Sam goes to the bathroom and sees Emily leaning against the wall, weeping.) Sam: Emily? What's the matter? Emily: Have a look. (Emily takes out a crude drawing of her and Dante, labeled stud and the geek.) Sam: Come on, you're going to stress yourself over one guy? Emily: It's everyone Sam. I'm tired of people downplaying me just because I'm a geek. Sam: Better you'd be a geek than a shallow creep. (Julie enters the room.) Julie: Hey guys, heart to heart? Looks fun. What's up? Sam: Emily's having a passive-episode over being a geek. Julie: Hmmm, to me it just looks like she's going through some kind of burnout. Emily: Excuse me? Julie: You've been wearing the same gaudy outfit for as long as I could remember. Emily *looking in the mirror.* Huh, now that you mention it this does look kinda bad. Julie: If you want my advice, well, you're gonna have to seriously commit to it. Emily: No problem. Julie: First off, ditch the glasses. Emily: Get contacts, got it. Julie: Second, go for a more loose, cutting edge outfit. Emily: No more bland long sleeve shirts and neon green sweatpants. Julie: And no more Sci-Cons. Emily: Are you kidding me!? I haven't missed one yet! Sam: Wait, think of the possibilities. You could be the coolest girl there come the next con. Emily: Ha! Cons are still on. Julie: Well, you know what to do. I'd leave but Ms. Chapley paired us for that plant-life assignment. Emily: Well I hope she'll take a metaphoric approach, because I'm about to blossom out come tomorrow. Sam: Good for you, now if you'll excuse me, I need to go find the Elites so I could fetch my drooling monkey. (Sam leaves.) Emily: Damien? Julie: Oh yeah. (Sam meets Francis.) Francis: What brings you here Bliss? Sam: I got paired with Damien and- Francis: Say no more! (the others push Damien out to her.) Francis: Have fun and don't bother contacting us, we'll be off limits for, ever. (They push her and Damien out of the room.) Damien: So what're you going to do for the assignment? Sam: Listen, normally I'd be mad if I get paired with someone who doesn't do their share of the workload, but circumstances have changed. Don't touch my plants. Got that? Damien: Whatever you say. Sam: Good. Meet me by... the dumps. Damien: Can do. (Sam runs back to class.) (At the end of the day, we see Emily in her room, looking into the mirror.) Emily: Okay, so far Julie's tips make sense. Let's get the least painful out of the way. I got some clothes my cousin sent me from Ottawa, that should do. Maybe I could try a new hairdo. *sigh*, and now... (Emily removes her glasses.) Emily: Contacts. (Emily preps the first contact and sticks it into her eye. It cuts to the outside of her house and we hear her screaming.) (Sam is seen heading for the greenhouse.) Sam: Can't wait to get started on my project. Maybe I'll work on cross-pollination or breed a venus- (Sam opens the door and screams at the sight of Damien.) Sam: What're you doing here!? Damien: You told me to meet you here. Right? Sam: Ugh, I guess I did. Go sit in the corner and don't touch anything. (Damien goes to do what he's been told. Sam checks on her plants.) Sam: Time for a drink. (Sam gets a watering can and pours it into the flower pots in front of her. She hears a glass break.) Sam: UUUUUUGH! Damien! Damien: Yeah? Sam: What did you do? Damien: Nothing really. Just some stupid plant that fell over? Sam: Stupid plant? What do you know!? Damien: Chill out, it's just a stupid plant. Sam: I'm facing someone who's even stupider! (Sam throws small gardening tools at Damien.) Damien: You must really love stupid plants. Guess you love me too if I'm stupid. (Sam growls and runs out of the greenhouse. She activates her witch power and flies off to the dumps.) (It cuts to the front door of Julie's house. Someone knocks on it and Stephy answers.) Stephy: Can I help you? Emily: I'm doing a project with Julie. Stephy: Wait, you're Emily? What the heck happened to you? Emily: I decided I was due for a change, t-shirts with the sleeves cut off, denim jeans, sneakers, a ponytail and no glasses. What do you think? Stephy: You look great, though I do think you should be more accepting of who you are, then again what do I know, I'm an adult trapped in a teenager's body. Julie! Julie: What!? Stephy: Emily's here! (Julie heads down and is surprised by Emily's new look.) Julie: Wow, you really pulled all the stops. Emily: Thanks! I feel great about this. Julie: So, wanna get started on our project? I wanted to see if we could plant flowers in sidewalk cracks. Emily: Never heard that one before. We could get to that later, wanna head to the mall? I wanna show off the new me. Julie: Shopping over homework? Guess it was more than the outfit that changed. Works for me. (the two head out.) (Sam is at the dumps, using her witch powers to destroy stuff around her.) Sam: Stupid huh? Like you, huh!? I oughta... I OUGHTA... ???: I oughta get the attention of Woodrot. (Sam looks and sees her neighbor Devlin floating above her.) Sam: I'm in no mood Devlin. Devlin: Clearly. As much as I'd love to bug you, we'd be exposing our secrets in the process, so spill it. Sam: Got paired with an idiot for a plant-life assignment. Devlin: Damien? Sam: How'd you guess? Devlin: I read the town newsletter. Sam: Anyway, he has no respect for my plants. He's not a lovable kind of idiot, he's the kind of idiot you want to shove into- Devlin: I get the idea. Anyway, don't bother throwing a supernatural temper tantrum over it, unless you plan to have it in Nova Scotia. Sam: Okay, for once you're right. But I won't like it. Devlin: Want me to take out the trash? Sam: Just leave it to me, don't want any more of you to spread. (Sam flies back to the greenhouse. She goes inside and is horrified to find her plants were mutilated. She goes to Damien.) Sam: Explain. Damien: I got this sweet idea for a project. Plant-zilla, all flowers morphed into one. We'll smoke the others. Sam: How is this even possible? Damien: With the right chemicals. (Damien pours all of the chemicals he could find into a bucket containing all of Sam's plants. It seemingly disintegrates them all.) Sam: I'd be fuming, but I kinda expected this. Please go before I make you hold your jaw in your hand. Damien: Later, I'm going to the arcade. (Damien leaves and Sam goes onto her knees, screaming.) (it goes to Julie and Emily at the mall. They see the Elites playing in a public tennis court.) Julie: Hey guys! Francis: Ah, Julie. Who's your friend? Emily: It's Emily, Emily Blythe. A new Emily Blythe. Phoebe: Peer pressure? Emily: Peer pressure, a bit of self-realization, stuff like that. Randall: Well, you look- (Randall notices Dante is drooling.) Randall: Heh, looks like somebody has eyes for you. Dante: Woah, did your thing become, like, somewhat more tolerable? Emily: I guess so. Dante: You wanna, I dunno, go somewhere and, hang out in public? Emily: Ooh, thanks for getting another milestone out of the way! Dante: To Cave Barn! (Both leave. The others see Sam approaching them, visibly fuming.) Julie: I take it you're having a horrible time with Damien? Sam: Yeah, but what else is new? Francis, I have no idea how you could tolerate someone as stupid as him! Francis: Simple, we don't. Sam: Huh? Ashley: He was never an Elite. He was our slave. Remember that arcade fiasco? Sam: Yeah? Marie: It turns out that Damien broke into the inside of that evil cabinet. He wanted to get the high score on that game for the record. Francis: We caught him and made him work for us as punishment, but when his sentence expired, we tried to get rid of him, but he wouldn't leave. We pushed him onto you because we wanted a chance to get him out of our lives forever. Fiona: You must really hate us right now. Sam: Don't worry, I would've done the same. At least you don't try to make movie monsters out of plants and household chemicals. (back at the greenhouse, the chemicals and dead plants merge together and form a mutant Venus fly trap.) (to Dante and Emily, both are having dinner at Cave Barn. Dante brings the food.) Dante: I winged it on the order, hope you like veggie burgers and a chocolate shake.) Emily: Well, chocolate's my go-to, and their veggie burgers are ironically a lot meatier. (both eat.) Dante: It's weird, at first I wanted nothing to do with you because... Emily: Psychological complex. Dante: Yeah, I guess. It also felt like you're too... Emily: Wrapped up in my studies? Dante: Yes. The truth is, you remind me of Julie, and... now that I think of it, I kinda miss the old you. Emily: You've got to be kidding. Dante: It's weird, but... Maybe I should've been less shallow. Sorry Emily, but this just doesn't feel right. (Dante leaves. Emily puts her head down in her arms and cries.) (back at the manor. Alison and her friends are hanging out.) Alison: Any ideas for a project? Colleen: You're barking up the wrong tree... Jerry: I have a crazy idea. Maybe we could borrow something from the greenhouse and get some gears turning. Alison: Wow, that is a crazy idea. Jerry: Would you rather have nothing to give to Ms. Chapley? Besides, we're friends with Sam, so it shouldn't be that big of a deal. (a vine breaks through the window and snatches Jerry by the ankle.) Jerry: But I could be horribly wrong. (Jerry gets dragged out.) Jenny: JERRY! (the kids run out and see the venus fly trap.) Alison: Either Sam really hates Damien, or Damien did something stupid. Becky: You kidding? (The venus fly trap prepares to attack them.) (back to Emily, she's curled up in the bathroom, crying. A janitor joins her.) Janitor: Mind if I sulk? Emily: Go ahead. Janitor: Margaret. WHY DO YOU LIKE MY BROTHER BETTER!? Now, what's your problem? Emily: I think I'm in love, but I'm in between on my new look and my old personality. Janitor: Fight for what you believe in and don't let this consume you. Emily: I don't know if I- Janitor: Do it, or I'll never speak to you again! Emily: You never spoke to me at all! Janitor: Then I'll tell my boss you stole change from the fountain. Emily: Yessir! (to Sam and the Elites, they hear some bizarre noises. Sam takes out a walkie-talkie.) Fiona: What's that? Sam: I always keep a baby monitor in my greenhouse. (Sam listens closely and hears the monster, along with the kids getting attacked.) Sam: Oh my gosh! There's a monster in my greenhouse! And I'm sure Damien has something to do with it. Randall: Urgh, we'll never get there in time! Sam: We won't know unless we start moving! (everyone runs to the manor.) (we see Devlin skateboarding. He hears the monster.) Devlin: Hm? (he flies over to the manor and sees the kids getting attacked by the monster.) Devlin: Special delivery! (Devlin sends a torrent of water toward the monster, distracting it while he does a rapid slam on its head.) Devlin: Go on, I'll hold it off- (the monster quickly snatches and eats the kids.) Devlin: Okay... I'll defeat it to honor your memories. (after a while, the Elites and Sam arrive at the manor.) Randall: How about a five minute break? Sam: How about you shut up? (they see the monster and run towards it.) Sam: Where're the others? Marie: Experience tells me to expect the worst. Sam: Darn you Damien... Devlin: Hey! How about some help!? Tiberius: What could we- Devlin: Not you! Sam: See you in a few. (Sam flies up to Devlin.) Sam: What's the rundown? Devlin: Your friends are toast, but if years of reading comics taught me anything, herbivores have slow digestion times. If we act now we could save your friends. Sam: Let's get to it. (the two attempt to break in but exhaust themselves.) Sam: *huff huff* Dare I ask, what other ideas you have? Devlin: How about you take a plunge Sam: You've got to be kidding. Devlin: Would you rather be making out eight epitaphs? *Sees the others get eaten* Er, twenty-two epitaphs? Sam: Okay, but you're going down with me. Devlin: Wait, we need some explosives. Sam: We have some fireworks left over from the fourth. Devlin: Perfect! I'll hold the monster off. (Sam goes to and returns with the fireworks.) Devlin: Ready to take the plunge? Sam: Unfortunately. (Both dive into the belly of the beast and take out the kids. Sam and Devlin set up the fireworks and light them. They fly out and join the kids as the fireworks blow up, killing the monster.) Sam: Farewell greenhouse, you didn't deserve to die... Jerry: I could go for a burger right about now. Ashley: I could go for a failing grade on that planting assignment. Devlin: That was almost too easy. Francis: Who are you!? Devlin: Devlin Mondale, your friendly neighborhood warlock. Francis: Ever considered rolling with the Elites? Devlin: The Elites? Ashley: Essentially a society of people who keep annoying idiots at bay. Devlin: Eh, why not? (Ashley and Fiona hug him.) Randall: Welcome to the family. (Emily approaches them.) Dante: Emily? Emily: I've been thinking about what happened, and I'm so not shallow! I'm done with you and looking cool. (Emily puts her glasses on and notices Dante is drooling again.) Emily: What? Dante: That's it! That's what's missing! Emily: What're you talking about? Dante: The reason I ditched you was because you got rid of everything that made you, well, you. I dig your outfit, and your glasses really tie everything together. (Emily squeals in excitement.) Alison: How about we celebrate with a late night snack at Cave Barn? Jerry: Sure, hold the lettuce. Alison: Oh I agree. Jenny: Uh guys, where's Damien? Randall: Who cares? He's out of our hair, we got a much better replacement, life's gotten good. Jenny: Okay, just making sure. (it cuts to a bird's eye view of the kids walking away.) ???: Stopped by two witches... No matter. I've got quite the learning experience, and so much more. (the figure laughs as we see a shadow resembling Damien)